What made you stop being an addict?

But how was I going to do it when everything I knew wasn't working? I didn't know

Now I have the mental fortitude to face life's every day battles.

Remember, if nothing changes, nothing changes.

Is it better for 2nd generation Western Muslims to marry someone from their parents' country or a western Muslim who was born and raised in the West?

I knew something had to be done about my wasting existence because if nothing changes, then nothing changes.

All I knew was that, I couldn't masturbate without p*rn. I was first getting the urge to watch p*rn, while watching, I would now feel like masturbating.

Just keep trying

How did you know you weren't the narc?

I went on my favourite site and started scrolling through my favourite categories; petite girls, sleeping girls, Japanese girls, Japanese mom, Japanese wife, massage, forced, in the bus, gangb*ng, Muslim girls, ebony, student and teacher, in the classroom, curvy, African, etc

I did it in my room. I did it in my washroom. I did it in school in the washrooms.

I always wished they would sit inappropriately or the wind would blow up their dress so I can see things.

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Is masturbation and p*rn bad?

I did it in my administrator's office.

Now I don't wait to be talked to before I respond. I talk when I think I'm supposed to.

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Was quitting worth the effort? At least for my mental health, it's a billion times worth it.

I went there early in the morning trying to watch a movie and I found the CD inside the video player so I decided to watch what was on it and that was the beginning of the life I never wanted.

I didn't even start counting the days because I didn't really believe I would get this far.

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A couple of months later I started hating it and regretting after every session. Yet, I couldn't stop.

I so badly wanted to f*uk a girl, yet I was so shy of girls. I never wanted to meet anyone. I always wanted to hide behind the phone and text.

There were times I could go 3 months without watching p*rn or masturbating but somehow I always came back to it.

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Read that again ☝️

Do I wake up everyday with lots of energy? No but that's because I have a health problem, which is a story for another day.

I don't know if all addictions are like this 🤔

What life lesson did you learn the hard way?

Am I totally free? I don't know 😕

It took me days to finish watching them. Finally I decided to go to the washroom to do The Last Fap.

There were times I was counting the days when I'm clean. But now I don't, because I got tired of counting and relapsing and starting all over again.

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I started rubbing it and I liked how I was feeling so I kept on doing it faster and EUREKA, sperms came out of my dick.

And I can also talk to them now.

And I DID IT EVERYDAY

What thing happened to you as a child that you haven’t let go of to this day?

I remember I once did it in my classroom at dawn. I did it in the hospital's washrooms. I did it in the lab where I work; both daytime and midnight.

I remember sitting on the bed and smiling and that was when it hit me that I have successfully masturbated.

Now how do you quit your addiction?

Why do so many FtM people act like MtF people don't exist and what the hell am I supposed to do as an MtF person?

And these were just the act and not the mental and social problems associated with addiction.

RUN 🏃‍♂️ for your dear life

Now I know I have all the nice videos on my phone, the rest I don't have, are not nice. So I had to start watching them one after the other. Some of them were even 2 hours long but I made sure I watched every little bit of it.

So I thought had unlocked a new potential in life. I was doing it even if I don't feel the urge. I forced the urge to come by watching pornography.

I got tired of always breaking the promises I made to myself.

So I'm still hanging on this lie.

I secretly kept on watching and watching until I got 19. At this time, I had started feeling the urge to ejaculate as I was watching the pornography.

So all I had to do was to find a way to trick my dirty brain to think that p*rn isn't nice.

I made sure I downloaded every video that was nice for me. This took almost the whole day.

The harder I tried, the worse it became. I could get angry with myself and go about 3 days without it but when I relapse, I can do 3 in a day. And the subsequent days; it's just me getting drowned in the rabbit hole.

I knew about masturbation but I didn't actually think of doing it but one day, on my bed when I was preparing to go to school I was watching pornography and something just came in mind; why don't you rob your dick with your hand?

I just finished watching the best of the best p*rn videos on the planet. Now there's nothing else to look for on p*rn sites again.

But for me, I would say RUN away from it

I did it while watching my sister. I did it while touching my sister 😭 I did it while watching my landlord's daughter.

Have I stopped seeing girls as sex objects? Not entirely, I still want to f*ck some of them.

I saw every girl or woman as a sex object including kid girls. There was no way I would look at a woman and not think of f*cking her.

This was February 2019.

It didn't feel great after ejaculating but hey, who cares about feelings?

Oh, and everyday I woke up tired 😫 I never slept early too. My mental health was nothing to write home about.

Around age 9 I discovered pornography through my uncle, he had left the CD in the video player in the night after enjoying himself.

No self esteem. No confidence. No ambition. Just dreams.

I know some people masturbate and they don't have the problems I went through.